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He broke his silence

         As he (Elbert Einstein) was a late talker, his parents were worried. At last, at the supper table one night, he broke his silence to say, "The soup is too hot." Greatly relieved, his parents asked why he had never said a word before. Albert replied, "Because up to now everything is in order."

-Otto Neugebauer@

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New address???

         After a recent move, I made up a list of companies, agencies, and services that needed to know my new address and phoned each one to ask for the change to be made.

@@Everything went smoothly until I called one of my frequent flier accounts. After I explained to the representative what I wanted to do, the woman told me, "I'm sorry; we can't do that over the phone. You will have to fill out our change-of-address form."

@@"How do I get one of those?" I asked.

@@"We'd be happy to provide you with one," she said pleasantly. "May I have your new address so that I can mail it to you?"

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An unexpected birthday card

On my birthday, which happened to be a day Margie, the part time employee in my gift shop, wasn't working, she phoned me at the shop. "Go to the east wall in the card section," she instructed, "third row down, fourth card from the left." I did as she asked and took the card back to the phone. "Now read it aloud."

@@After I finished, she said, "That's your birthday card from me. I didn't want to waste money on it since you already own it."

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        "Skip a day"

         The doctor decided to put his overweight patient on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days," the physician directed, "then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least five pounds."

        When the man returned, he had lost 20 pounds. "You did this just by following my instructions?" the doctor asked.

         The fellow nodded. "I did, though, I thought I Was going to drop dead that third day."

         "From hunger?"

         "No, from skipping."

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Congratulations

       For a long time Dr. Jackson had wanted to get a permanent job in a certain big modern hospital, and at last he was successful. He was appointed to the particular position which he wanted, and he and his wife moved to a new place to live. The next day some beautiful flowers were delivered to them, with a note which said, "Deepest sympathy."

       Naturally, Dr. Jackson was annoyed to receive such an extraordinary note, and telephoned the shop which had sent the flowers to find out what the note meant.

       When the owner of the shop heard what had happened, he apologized to Dr. Jackson for having made the mistake.

       "But what really worries me much more, " he added, " is that the flowers which ought to have gone to you were sent to a funeral, with a card which said, 'Congratulations on your new position.' "

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